Setting Boundaries with a Narcissistic Parent: How to Protect Your Well-Being Without the Guilt
Written by Jordan Erickson, LAMFT
Setting boundaries with a narcissistic parent can feel impossible. You may worry they’ll lash out, withdraw their love, or twist your limits into selfishness or betrayal. But boundaries are not about punishment—they are about protecting your well-being and breaking free from unhealthy patterns that likely began long before you realized it.
As a marriage and family therapist, I specialize in helping clients navigate this delicate process using family systems therapy and Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT).
Why Boundaries Feel So Hard
Growing up with a narcissistic or emotionally self-absorbed parent often meant your needs weren’t centered—you were taught (directly or indirectly) that keeping the peace mattered more than your feelings. This can leave you:
Feeling guilty or “selfish” for saying no.
Doubting your right to have boundaries.
Becoming overly responsible for their emotions.
Fearing rejection or retaliation if you set limits.
From a family systems perspective, these dynamics are often multigenerational – patterns of control, enmeshment, or emotional cutoff that get passed down through each generation, until someone chooses to do the hard work of change.
What Healthy Boundaries Look Like
Boundaries are not walls. They are guidelines for how you want to be treated and what you will or will not accept. Examples include:
Limiting conversations that turn toxic or manipulative.
Deciding how much contact feels safe and sustainable.
Communicating needs clearly and calmly, without over-explaining.
Protecting your emotional space by disengaging from arguments designed to provoke you.
Boundaries are about you; they are not about controlling or fixing another person.
How Therapy Supports This Process
Therapy helps you:
Identify patterns of guilt or fear that make boundary-setting difficult.
Clarify your values and non-negotiables.
Learn language to set boundaries with less emotional charge.
Process the grief of what your parent could not give you.
Create a sustainable plan for maintaining your emotional health.
Through EFT, we also explore how to build safe, supportive relationships that replace old cycles of manipulation or inconsistency.
Moving Forward with Strength and Clarity
Setting boundaries with a narcissistic parent may not always lead to their approval—but it will lead to your freedom. Healing means learning that your worth is not determined by how much you tolerate.
Ready to Take the First Step?
If you’re struggling to set boundaries with a narcissistic mother or parent, therapy can help you do so with clarity and compassion.
Schedule an appointment today to start building the emotional space you deserve.