Navigating Holiday Emotions: A Therapist's Guide to Finding Comfort and Connection
The holiday season brings different experiences for different people. While some find joy during this time, others face stress, sadness, or loneliness. As a licensed marriage and family therapist, I want to acknowledge that all of these emotional experiences are valid, no matter which holiday you celebrate.
Understanding Unpleasant Holiday Emotions
Several challenging emotions commonly surface during the holiday season:
Stress and Pressure: The holidays often bring expectations to host perfect gatherings, find ideal gifts, and create magical experiences. Financial constraints can intensify these pressures, leading to feelings of inadequacy about what you can provide.
Guilt: You might experience guilt about being unable to visit distant family members or provide the holiday experience you envisioned for your loved ones.
Loneliness: Feelings of isolation that are manageable throughout the year can become overwhelming during the holidays. This loneliness might stem from being physically alone, or from feeling disconnected within your existing relationships or family dynamics. You can feel alone even when surrounded by people.
Grief and Loss: If you've lost someone close to you, the holidays can trigger intense waves of mourning. Grief follows no linear path and can resurface unexpectedly. When society prescribes joy during this season, your grief may feel even more consuming.
Disappointment: The end of the year brings reflection, and you might feel disappointed if you're not where you hoped to be. Perhaps a hoped-for reconciliation hasn't happened, or your year didn't unfold as planned.
Envy: Seeing others apparently enjoying what's often called "the most wonderful time of the year" can spark envy when your experience doesn't match theirs.
How to Process Holiday Emotions
Step 1: Acknowledge and Accept
The first step in managing difficult emotions is acknowledging them. Identify what you're feeling—is it stress, grief, sadness, loneliness, guilt, disappointment, or envy? Give yourself permission to experience these feelings without judgment.
Step 2: Connect with Your Body
Notice where the emotion lives in your body. If you can't identify it immediately, take three deep breaths in through your nose and out through your mouth. You can also place a hand on your chest or stomach. Connect to the physical sensation of the emotion.
Step 3: Ask What It Needs
Once you've identified and located the feeling, get curious and ask yourself: What does this emotion need right now? Does it need space to simply exist? Do you need to release it through crying? Does it need expression through writing or conversation?
Step 4: Consider Expressive Writing or Art
The written word offers powerful healing potential. When you don't have someone to talk to or struggle with verbal expression, writing or drawing provides a stream of consciousness outlet. Let your feelings flow onto paper or your computer without censoring yourself.
Taking Action During the Holidays
Beyond emotional processing, taking concrete actions can help shift your experience:
Build New Connections
If you're feeling isolated, remember that many others share this experience. Seek out connection through:
Online support groups and communities
Local yoga or breathwork classes
Community college courses to learn something new
Creative workshops like pottery, art, or sewing
A trip to the library or local book store
Volunteer opportunities at shelters or community organizations
Engage in Self-Care Practices
Different temperaments require different forms of comfort:
Soothing activities: warm baths, gentle stretching, browsing bookstores
Endorphin-releasing movement: spin classes, hiking, biking, cold plunges
Creative pursuits: starting a garden, crafting, writing a story
Nature experiences: visiting different landscapes, taking long walks
Do Something You've Been Postponing
What have you wanted to do all year but haven't made time for? Consider whether now is the moment to pursue that goal, whether it's going on daily walks, taking a day trip somewhere nearby, or starting a new hobby.
Give Back
Volunteering your time at homeless shelters, animal shelters, or other community organizations can provide meaningful connection and fulfillment. Giving without expecting anything in return often proves rewarding during difficult times.
Finding Your Own Version of Holiday Joy
The central theme of the holiday season involves seeking comfort and connection. However, your path to joy doesn't need to mirror what you see on social media or television. It can look however it needs to look for you.
Remember: pushing down unpleasant emotions or shaming yourself for having them isn't the answer. The path forward involves connecting with your feelings, acknowledging what they need, and then taking different actions, no matter how small. Every step counts.
Moving Forward This Season
Whether your holidays feel joyful, stressful, or somewhere in between, I encourage you to embrace where you are right now. Consider finding something less traditional than what mainstream media portrays to fill your cup this season.
The holiday season doesn't have to follow anyone else's script. By acknowledging your emotions, taking care of yourself, and seeking meaningful connection in whatever form works for you, you can create a holiday experience that honors your authentic feelings and needs.
If you're struggling with difficult emotions this holiday season or any time of year, therapy can provide support in understanding yourself and your feelings more deeply. Reach out to learn more about how therapy can help you navigate life's challenges with greater authenticity and self-compassion.